How to leave London

Whitstable beach in Kent, England, UK. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m a Londoner, born and bred. Conceived and born within the sound of Bow bells, I know it’s because I’m a Londoner that I love it so. And to the annoyance of my regional friends, I subscribe to the, admittedly dubious, maxim: ‘when a woman is tired of London, she is tired of life’. But I will leave London. Not because I’m bored or my desire for it has waned, but due to necessity. I can’t afford to live here.

My childhood community, in which, as recently as a decade ago, only the working class, migrants and revolutionaries dared inhabit, has finally succumbed to what its great housing stock and proximity to the City has made inevitable. Along with the artists of independent means and media types, we have the pointed-shoes suits who each morning crowd out the 8:15 to Liverpool Street, on their way to make the money that has helped transform a community into a business proposition.

Anyway, enough! Off that soapbox, woman! I’m here to give you, my fellow priced-out-of-Londoners, some useful tips on how to make the break from our beloved city.

1. Do something you love for a living – You musicians, writers and artists know what I mean. But this one is not only for creative types – teachers, nurses, sole traders (no, not you plumbers), and small business owners can all get in on it. Walthamstow and Deptford have closed their doors to musicians. These last bastions of affordability have reached their quotas. You best get looking beyond the M25.

2. Find the perfect regional job – This is the carrot counterpart to the previous suggestion.  Get searching! Use the advanced option, exclude London and see what comes up.

3. Visit Whitstable – Whitstable is lovely, Really lovely. If you’re able to see past the ostentatious Down From Londoners (I’m aware of the potential hypocrisy) with their ripe for squatting second homes and 4x4s, I think you’ll agree, Whitstable is a real find! Gentle slopes by the sea, complete with the best oyster and beer supper this side of the Atlantic. Still affordable (for Londoners). And close enough for your friends who can afford to live in the capital to come and stay. (Oh, wait. They probably have a second home down there, anyway.)

4. Learn to drive – If you, like I, have yet to learn, now might be the time. Moving out of London is the only reason I would learn. I’ve reversed that statement and tell myself learning to drive is the only reason to leave. Rubbish logic, but I like the symmetry.

5. Live somewhere in London you really dislike – Now, I’m not necessarily talking about the Catfords, Harlsedons and White Cities of this world. For some, a week on the King’s Road would deliver the killer blow.

6. Develop an interest in Ornithology – We have birds in the capital: the humble pigeon, the slightly less humble wood pigeon. Yes, I know, the robin, blackbirds, magpies. But you’re going to have to move to St Kilda to hang with some puffins. And to get a glimpse of rare visitors such as shrike and wryneck, only Lizard Point will do.

Related articles

• Whitstable – here now (artsmonkey.wordpress.com)
• Whitstable words?! (whitstablewords.wordpress.com)
• £1bn plan to turn Deptford into the ‘Shoreditch of south London’ (standard.co.uk)
• BOOK REVIEW: Whitstable (geeksyndicate.co.uk)
• London on the Brain! Third London Blog. (railwayposter.wordpress.com)